As an NJ & PA Divorce Mediator, I often engage in public speaking in order to educate the public about issues on divorce in NJ & PA. After one of my most recent engagements I came home and sat down to reflect on how I thought the seminar went and if we, the Professionals on the subject matter on divorce were able to give our participants useful information.
As I thought about it and the various questions that were asked, it dawned on me that there is one question that comes up in every instance, “I want to get divorced but how do I do it without going through the pain”? It’s like people are looking for that “magic pill”. I equate it to the dieter who instead of of cutting back on food intake and exercising, wants to just swallow the pill that is going to make them lose the desired weight.
As we all know, there is no “magic pill”. Going through a divorce is a painful process no matter if you are the one who initiates or not. Even in the most amicable of divorces there is pain. The pain that is experienced in divorce is emotional pain. Pain that makes us feel bad for ourselves, our loved ones who will be effected and perhaps the pain from feeling as we have failed. I”m sure there are 1000 other reasons we could come up with.
My point of sharing this is to let everyone know that everyone will experience some type of pain in going through a divorce but after all is said and done, the pain does go away and a new life begins! I remember going through my own divorce actually and seriously thinking that I was never going to smile or laugh again for the rest of my life. Well, writing it now, it’s sounds so ridiculous since I have certainly smiled and laughed so many times since that day. Like with most things in life, it takes courage and pain getting through the tough times in order to rebuild and enjoy the future.
As difficult as it is, coming to the realization that the divorce is inevitable is the first hurdle. It is unfortunate but that realization so often results in a battle filled with bitterness and resentment that is emotionally and financially devastating to families and their futures because the choice to litigate and “get even” was made. You can instead, maintain control of your future and the future of your children by Mediating. You will have the power of deciding how your divorce will go, make all of the important decisions yourselves. It doesn’t mean that there will not be disagreements as you mediate or that you have to be best friends. You just have to be resolved to the fact that you want to be in control of your future and the future of your family.
I promise that you will not be left with the feeling of bitterness and resentment that so many people experience after litigating. From personal experience I can tell you that I did not litigate and I never look back and feel the bitterness of my divorce since I was an active participant in every decision that was made.