There is a Chinese proverb “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” The anger and hurt from divorce ultimately causes much of the sorrow from divorce. Anger and hurt are natural emotions when your hopes and dreams about your life with your spouse are coming to an end. Anger is really unresolved hurt without an outlet for healthy expression and it often causes us to act irrationally driving many into a stressful, expensive, and “bloody” courtroom battle. A litigated divorce provides a costly forum for acting out destructive animosity. When couples “lawyer up” they end up paying double. Retainer fees are given to both attorneys as well as paying two hourly fees.
Mediation is a dynamic alternative to litigation that saves couples both time and money, approximately 40-90% of the cost of a litigated divorce. When couples agree to mediate, they play an active role in the creation of an agreement that is fair and equitable to both. This is not to say that the couples come in to Mediate as “best friends”, there can and often is conflict. The Mediators role is to work as a neutral and non-coercive facilitator who listens to each of your needs and interests, helping you analyze and generate ideas for going forward. Mediation guides couples to think in terms of the future and not just the here and now, especially when children are involved. By doing this it teaches the couples on how to communicate with one another because although they will no longer be spouses, they will always be the parents of their children and they will always have to communicate.