Let’s face it, divorce happens and it happens for any number of reasons. But once one of the partners wants to call it quits, there is no amount of debate or money that can change the inevitable, the end of the union will come. Divorce then becomes a combination of those 5 magic words; Who, What, When, Where and How?
Who? – Who will file? Who will file first? Who will get the best attorney?
What? – What will my spouse take or want? What will I fight for? What will I concede? What can I do to make this divorce as difficult as possible so that my spouse can’t move on (ps. neither can you)? What about the children?
When? – I’m in no rush to get through this divorce, after all I’m not the one that cheated. The sooner the better, I want them out of my house.
Where? – Where they live is no concern of mine, I’m not leaving this house, it’s mine. The kids will live here with me, of course.
How? – How can I take them for all their worth and then some?
We have all heard divorce stories that go this way; from bad to worst. Divorce is a very difficult, personal and emotional event but it can be approached in a sensible and responsible manner. Sensible is not litigating to the point of draining all of your financial resources and savings for “position”, ie. financial gain, or the children, etc. Sensible is not using funds set aside for college tuition to pay for the divorce. How often have you heard about couples paying for their divorce long after the legalities of divorce are actually finalized; far too often. And once the divorce is finalized there are the issues of shared custody which are not typically well thought out in litigated divorces. Case in point, it’s not uncommon to hear that one parent wants to take the children on a vacation to Disney so then the other parent decides that they want to take the kids on a caribbean cruise. It’s great when both parents want to spend time with the children, but now instead of the children going on the typical one family vacation per year, they are going on two; one with dad and one with mom. Could these funds have served a better purpose and could other arrangements have been made to insure the sense of “equality” in the parenting role, while remaining focused and disciplined about financial obligations for the children in the future, ie. college, car, weddings, special needs, certainly the answer is yes.
Divorce is the death of a marriage and it is normal to go through the stages of grieving when a marriage is ending. Emotions of anger, sadness or resentment are normal but then there comes the time to move forward. Couples who are divorcing can work together in developing a divorce agreement that reflects what is “equitable” for them, includes the creation of a parenting plan to provide a forward looking roadmap on how education, vacations, and any other life decision that would be made by the parents of a child are to be handled.
Litigation is the path of two attorneys working for what is the best interest of one (their client). Mediation is the path of two people working for what is agreed by them to be the best solutions for the dissolution of their marriage and includes finances, parenting plans, and more.
A Mediator facilitates the meetings with the couple and assists them in the development of their divorce agreement. Advanced Mediation Solutions located in Voorhees, New Jersey provides a “sensible approach to difficult situations”. Throughout our mediation process, you will be provided professional and caring services, combining alternative dispute resolutions skills and expertise. Advanced Mediation Solutions is known for providing attentive service and quality results in a comfortable and informal environment.
It is never easy to accept and own the mistakes and saying sorry. The ego gets hurt and people tend to think that after saying sorry the other partner will gain an upper hand. Just by simply acknowledging the error or a mistake can resolve fifty percent of the conflicts. Most of the people who have a stable and successful are very up-front in their relationship and never hesitate to say sorry.